just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
