thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
