I just saw a hot homeless man
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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