Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
