there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
