I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
