ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
