I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
