I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
