if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
