It's Friday. Sex?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
