Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
