While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
