First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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