I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
