no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
