what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
