Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
