Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
