Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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