Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
