So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
