So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
