There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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