I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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