dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
