hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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