I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
