I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
