Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
