she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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