i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
