That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
