I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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