Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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