Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
