i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
