he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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