I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
