Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
even my farts smell like vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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