Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
