ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
