Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
