exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
