I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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