She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
