super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
