Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
