he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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