Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
